Friday, February 18, 2005
Same sex marriage…Bill c38 must die.
I have noticed a lot of my friends and family have been posting on their sites a sympathetic opinion the “Same Sex Marriage” issue.
I feel it is my obligation as a man and a Canadian to strongly object to any of this same sex crap that our government intends to heave down our throats.
Same sex marriage has now become one of the leading causes of divorce, mental instability and wife thrashing in our once great country. Alcohol and drug abuse was at one time the proud holder of this tile so just envision the effects all 3 of them combined.
Most men that are in long term relationships have unexpectedly been seduced into these so called associations by skilled spin doctor spouses. I’m sure you have all had experiences with this.
You find a fine partner and have great sex a minimum of a dozen times per week At a later date you marry and slowly the sex minimizes. The longer the relationship…… the longer the intervals between sex and the more the sex becomes the same. Hence the curse of a “Same sex marriage”
I see no reason why the government would want to legislate this and make it law. Some of us braver men try to convince our wives to use alternate positions during sex with some positive results and to make this illegal would be counterproductive to the work we forerunners in the “Variable sex marriage” trend have done to stop this “same sex” dilemma curse on manhood.
BTW…..I’m sure we would have the support of our fine brothers and sisters in the gay community in our “Variable Sex Marriage” effort.
Sunday, September 19, 2004
The heavenly gift from Bell
It seems that for some odd reason no long distance calls placed to my residence can get through and I mean nobody…I can’t even call my house from out of town with my cell or from the cottage phone.
Now to many, this would seem like a dreadful thing. Not so in my evaluation.
1. Since this godsend we have received no calls from telemarketers…none…nada…not a one. The dickheads just can’t get through.
2. CN (my job) can not call me. They now e-mail me to tell me they can’t call me and I e-mail them back saying they can. These conversations are so humorous they require a whole new blog…just might be my next.
3. My sister in law cant narc on me. Over the years she’s been the pipeline of all my controversial activities at the cottage. Now when she calls she gets one ring and a busy signal.I figure I can get the moonshine still at the cottage running at full operation long before the lines are back.
I think if bell offered this as an option they would make a fortune. No doubt I’ll have to call them and have the line repaired in due course….first I have to do a little creative dismantling of some equipment I would prefer the bell cops not see.
BTW……I’m still available on my cell or by e-mail.
It seems that for some odd reason no long distance calls placed to my residence can get through and I mean nobody…I can’t even call my house from out of town with my cell or from the cottage phone.
Now to many, this would seem like a dreadful thing. Not so in my evaluation.
1. Since this godsend we have received no calls from telemarketers…none…nada…not a one. The dickheads just can’t get through.
2. CN (my job) can not call me. They now e-mail me to tell me they can’t call me and I e-mail them back saying they can. These conversations are so humorous they require a whole new blog…just might be my next.
3. My sister in law cant narc on me. Over the years she’s been the pipeline of all my controversial activities at the cottage. Now when she calls she gets one ring and a busy signal.I figure I can get the moonshine still at the cottage running at full operation long before the lines are back.
I think if bell offered this as an option they would make a fortune. No doubt I’ll have to call them and have the line repaired in due course….first I have to do a little creative dismantling of some equipment I would prefer the bell cops not see.
BTW……I’m still available on my cell or by e-mail.
Monday, June 07, 2004
12 step program
Being the owner of a newly acquired motorcycle I was looking over my license and noticed that during the transfer from Ontario to Quebec that my motorcycle qualifications had mysteriously vanished. I assumed that this was just an oversight during the transfer and off I went to the license bureau to clear things up with government.
The license bureau in Montreal is a little different from the other provinces. It’s a large area decorated in subdued colors with sound absorbing carpet and ceiling tiles. French folk music is piped in from unseen speakers, the air has a neutral yet not unpleasant scent and the ambient temperature is set to the “Refreshing breeze by the meadow” setting. The only thing that seems out of place is the armed security guard standing his full 5’ 04” with arms crossed and shaved head in the center of the room.
After barely 3 minutes in line a booth opened up and I was off to plead my cause in a relaxed and confident state of mind. No such luck……It seems in the year I transferred that out of province motorcycle permits were not recognized in Quebec….sure, they were valid for the other provinces, the USA and most all of the free world but not in Quebec. He informed me that had I made the move 2 years earlier or later it would not have been a problem. He then gives me a rundown on how to become a responsible motorcycle operator in his province and 12 steps I will have to endure.
1 ) Begin by obtaining "Driver's Handbook" and "Operating a Motorcycle", on sale at any Publications du Quebec outlet (the trick will be to find them in English)
2) Study the above and then make an appointment to take a knowledge test at an SAAQ service centre (undisclosed fee).
3) Upon passing this theory test you will receive a 6R learner's permit.
4) With your 6R learner's permit in hand, enrol in an accredited driving school (500-1000$ ?).
5) Take bike (by truck) to school's closed practice course for practice.
6) Upon completing the course, pass both theory and practical exams.
7) After holding 6R permit for minimum one month and passing driving school's tests, take bike by truck to an SAAQ outlet and pass their closed-course road test.
8) You now have a class 6A learner's permit and you can drive on the road, but only accompanied by a fully licensed motorcycle driver.
9) After holding your 6A license for a minimum of seven months, make an appointment to take the SAAQ road test.
10) Truck the bike to the SAAQ (or be accompanied by licensed motorcycle driver) and pass the SAAQ road test (90$ road test fee).
11) Obtain a two-year probationary license (96$ probationary license fee).
12) NOTE: probationary licensees are subject to a 4-point ceiling and zero alcohol tolerance.
12a) after two years with probationary license you obtain full authorization to drive a motorcycle (fee not disclosed).
So Toulouse hands me a copy of the driving handbook and asks me if I want to buy it today!!!!!
I calmly mentioned that I have over 25 years experience on bike and it would be a shame to start off as a learner if not for pride for insurance purposes.
Toulouse tells me that if I want to reside in his province I have to live by the laws of his Quebec.
You know how sometimes you have nothing….no good reply …blank mind ……and cant find the proper tone if you had an answer…this was not the case.
I tell Toulouse that I’m going straight to the dollar store to buy all the Fleur-de-Lys flags they have and run them through my wood chipper aimed at the front door of the SAAQ and afterwards I’m going to spray paint a Canada flag on his bald forehead.
Toulouse then pressed an unseen button. The little security guard came over and told me I have to leave as they have my licence information and can revoke what they want or give demerits for poor conduct in an SAAQ office.
Sweet place……
Being the owner of a newly acquired motorcycle I was looking over my license and noticed that during the transfer from Ontario to Quebec that my motorcycle qualifications had mysteriously vanished. I assumed that this was just an oversight during the transfer and off I went to the license bureau to clear things up with government.
The license bureau in Montreal is a little different from the other provinces. It’s a large area decorated in subdued colors with sound absorbing carpet and ceiling tiles. French folk music is piped in from unseen speakers, the air has a neutral yet not unpleasant scent and the ambient temperature is set to the “Refreshing breeze by the meadow” setting. The only thing that seems out of place is the armed security guard standing his full 5’ 04” with arms crossed and shaved head in the center of the room.
After barely 3 minutes in line a booth opened up and I was off to plead my cause in a relaxed and confident state of mind. No such luck……It seems in the year I transferred that out of province motorcycle permits were not recognized in Quebec….sure, they were valid for the other provinces, the USA and most all of the free world but not in Quebec. He informed me that had I made the move 2 years earlier or later it would not have been a problem. He then gives me a rundown on how to become a responsible motorcycle operator in his province and 12 steps I will have to endure.
1 ) Begin by obtaining "Driver's Handbook" and "Operating a Motorcycle", on sale at any Publications du Quebec outlet (the trick will be to find them in English)
2) Study the above and then make an appointment to take a knowledge test at an SAAQ service centre (undisclosed fee).
3) Upon passing this theory test you will receive a 6R learner's permit.
4) With your 6R learner's permit in hand, enrol in an accredited driving school (500-1000$ ?).
5) Take bike (by truck) to school's closed practice course for practice.
6) Upon completing the course, pass both theory and practical exams.
7) After holding 6R permit for minimum one month and passing driving school's tests, take bike by truck to an SAAQ outlet and pass their closed-course road test.
8) You now have a class 6A learner's permit and you can drive on the road, but only accompanied by a fully licensed motorcycle driver.
9) After holding your 6A license for a minimum of seven months, make an appointment to take the SAAQ road test.
10) Truck the bike to the SAAQ (or be accompanied by licensed motorcycle driver) and pass the SAAQ road test (90$ road test fee).
11) Obtain a two-year probationary license (96$ probationary license fee).
12) NOTE: probationary licensees are subject to a 4-point ceiling and zero alcohol tolerance.
12a) after two years with probationary license you obtain full authorization to drive a motorcycle (fee not disclosed).
So Toulouse hands me a copy of the driving handbook and asks me if I want to buy it today!!!!!
I calmly mentioned that I have over 25 years experience on bike and it would be a shame to start off as a learner if not for pride for insurance purposes.
Toulouse tells me that if I want to reside in his province I have to live by the laws of his Quebec.
You know how sometimes you have nothing….no good reply …blank mind ……and cant find the proper tone if you had an answer…this was not the case.
I tell Toulouse that I’m going straight to the dollar store to buy all the Fleur-de-Lys flags they have and run them through my wood chipper aimed at the front door of the SAAQ and afterwards I’m going to spray paint a Canada flag on his bald forehead.
Toulouse then pressed an unseen button. The little security guard came over and told me I have to leave as they have my licence information and can revoke what they want or give demerits for poor conduct in an SAAQ office.
Sweet place……
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
Freedom 65
Retirement is a time that many men on the railway look forward to and spend years planning as they count down the few final excruciating months. Others have slightly bent perspective on the golden years.
I recently worked with an old conductor who was being forced out at age 65. He opted out of the CN pension plan and thus is leaving with only a government pension.
On the other hand…….this dude is the richest and cheapest person I have ever met. By the mid-sixties he owned a few large estate style homes in the Glebe that he turned into boarding rooms, fully supplied with linens, paper towels…etc... Acquired when needed from the railway storerooms. He was so well off economically that many men have their home mortgages through him. I could go on forever.
On his final trip on a locomotive, after over 49 years on the road he pulls out a portable tape recorder and spends the whole trip recording railway sounds. Bells, whistles, brakes going on, brakes going off, train dispatcher voice, engineer voice and everything he could for the 7 hours he was there.
Having thought for 25 years that Donny had ice flowing in his veins I figured this as a sentimental time for him and was a little touched. I asked him if he was recording memoirs he could listen to in his later years.
“No Pal” (he calls everybody Pal) “I’m planning my retirement”
I held my hands up and shrugged?
Donny flipped open his cell phone, hit the play button on the recorder and says “My kids and girlfriends don’t know I’m going on pension.”
Retirement is a time that many men on the railway look forward to and spend years planning as they count down the few final excruciating months. Others have slightly bent perspective on the golden years.
I recently worked with an old conductor who was being forced out at age 65. He opted out of the CN pension plan and thus is leaving with only a government pension.
On the other hand…….this dude is the richest and cheapest person I have ever met. By the mid-sixties he owned a few large estate style homes in the Glebe that he turned into boarding rooms, fully supplied with linens, paper towels…etc... Acquired when needed from the railway storerooms. He was so well off economically that many men have their home mortgages through him. I could go on forever.
On his final trip on a locomotive, after over 49 years on the road he pulls out a portable tape recorder and spends the whole trip recording railway sounds. Bells, whistles, brakes going on, brakes going off, train dispatcher voice, engineer voice and everything he could for the 7 hours he was there.
Having thought for 25 years that Donny had ice flowing in his veins I figured this as a sentimental time for him and was a little touched. I asked him if he was recording memoirs he could listen to in his later years.
“No Pal” (he calls everybody Pal) “I’m planning my retirement”
I held my hands up and shrugged?
Donny flipped open his cell phone, hit the play button on the recorder and says “My kids and girlfriends don’t know I’m going on pension.”
Saturday, April 03, 2004
A few weeks ago I was sitting with several of the Harley biker boys from work and listened to them bitch and complain about the driving conditions for Hogsheads in the city of Montreal. It was their opinion that our city was by far the worst place to be on 2 wheels due to traffic, the abysmal state of the roadbed, aggressive driving techniques of the minivan and the newly created “Beater Minivan” population, not to mention the increased harassment by law enforcement in regards to noise from tuned exhaust headers.
I asked if there was any city that would be more receptive to their pseudo outlaw biker lifestyle and from their responses; no city in the world seemed to fully qualify. Hence I set my mind on finding that one city that driving enthusiast would thrive on.
As luck would have it…it exists. A city with no enforced speed limit, no helmet laws, where stop signs as well as traffic lights are completely optional. Parking is available where you want it and when you want it…..day or night. The restaurants need no reservations nor do hotels. It’s legal to boot your Ninja or dodge Viper down Main Street at 180 mph to your hearts desire with no fear of reprisal and there is no visible law enforcement.
This city underwent massive restructuring in the mid-80`s and the result was the most driver friendly place on earth. want to know more!!!!!
Go here ......
http://www.angelfire.com/extreme4/kiddofspeed/
I asked if there was any city that would be more receptive to their pseudo outlaw biker lifestyle and from their responses; no city in the world seemed to fully qualify. Hence I set my mind on finding that one city that driving enthusiast would thrive on.
As luck would have it…it exists. A city with no enforced speed limit, no helmet laws, where stop signs as well as traffic lights are completely optional. Parking is available where you want it and when you want it…..day or night. The restaurants need no reservations nor do hotels. It’s legal to boot your Ninja or dodge Viper down Main Street at 180 mph to your hearts desire with no fear of reprisal and there is no visible law enforcement.
This city underwent massive restructuring in the mid-80`s and the result was the most driver friendly place on earth. want to know more!!!!!
Go here ......
http://www.angelfire.com/extreme4/kiddofspeed/
Monday, March 08, 2004
Chicks hate VIA Rail
I was standing in the long line at a bank today, perhaps for the first time in several years since I acquired an interac card....thank god for that puppy!!! I’ve always been of the opinion that people standing in a line are mandated to act in a definite way. Look at your watch, re-read the paperwork in your hand, glower at anyone who is wasting time with idle chat up at the cherished teller and take that one step forward when required.
I noticed the young lady in front of me was constantly breaking the lineup rule by turning her head towards me after every mandatory watch check. Being the personable guy that has made me infamous throughout my years I caught her on the head turn and gave her the “Howareya”. She said she was just noticing the VIA Jacket I was wearing and was wondering if I was one of “THOSE” guys.
For a split second I had nothing….but then not wanting to look dimwitted I replied “Well…its company policy and I sure hope once you cash that Welfare cheque in your hand you’ll be going straight home to your kids and not to the bar on the corner”
Needless to say this did not go over well!!!
BTW…..the phrase “Just Kidding” seems to have lost the powers of universal ceasefire it once held in the last century.
I was standing in the long line at a bank today, perhaps for the first time in several years since I acquired an interac card....thank god for that puppy!!! I’ve always been of the opinion that people standing in a line are mandated to act in a definite way. Look at your watch, re-read the paperwork in your hand, glower at anyone who is wasting time with idle chat up at the cherished teller and take that one step forward when required.
I noticed the young lady in front of me was constantly breaking the lineup rule by turning her head towards me after every mandatory watch check. Being the personable guy that has made me infamous throughout my years I caught her on the head turn and gave her the “Howareya”. She said she was just noticing the VIA Jacket I was wearing and was wondering if I was one of “THOSE” guys.
For a split second I had nothing….but then not wanting to look dimwitted I replied “Well…its company policy and I sure hope once you cash that Welfare cheque in your hand you’ll be going straight home to your kids and not to the bar on the corner”
Needless to say this did not go over well!!!
BTW…..the phrase “Just Kidding” seems to have lost the powers of universal ceasefire it once held in the last century.
Thursday, February 19, 2004
Wanted..Dead or alive.
Last Friday night, on my way home from work on the other side of Montreal I noticed the steering on the big black Blazer seemed a little unresponsive. As it was a windy night I assumed the problem was that I was driving a big square box high off the ground in 30 mph crosswinds. Wrong!
After taking the exit from the highway and making a right turn I noticed a sound and sensation very much like the reverberation of frozen road crap built up in the wheel wells when hit by a moving tire on a cold morning. Like when you first back out of the driveway. Wrong again!
The first intersection I came to required a left turn at a stop sign and being a true Montreal driver I slowed down to about 10 mph, checked for opposing traffic and cranked the wheel. No such luck, the truck lurched forward with tires squealing. This signaled that a mechanical problem could very well be a possibility. After further inspection with my trusty Mag-Lite it seemed the problem was a messed up ball joint on the tie rod. Additional brave experiments proved that I could never turn left again, never ever use 4 x4 , but could do a cautious right, Ontario style so to speak. Backing up was no problem. Hence I was thrown into some kind of cruel 1980`s video puzzle game in order to get the truck home, but that`s another story.
So finally I get the Blazer home and a few days later call for a tow ( seeing as the dealerships close up for the weekend) and get the only English redneck left in the province pulling up in my driveway with his lift truck. I explain the problem but the dude says that it`s almost impossible for a ball joint or tie rod to break. I tell him to look for himself and as anticipated he crawls right underneath before I could even cut the tip on my cigar. He crawls out and tells me my diagnosis is partially correct but nothing is broken, the nut is missing on the ball joint. I tell him that`s strange as all bolts in the front end have cotter pins. "Yep" he said looking at me like I was Mom Boucher "only way deem babies come off is wit da pliers and a wrench"
Later, at the dealership and after fighting to have them pay for the car rental (seems GM`s policy is to only pay when there`s a defective part. A missing nut and cotter pin is not considered as such) I ask the Goodwrench toolboy how this could happen. He replies as expected"Someone has to take it off"
Last Friday night, on my way home from work on the other side of Montreal I noticed the steering on the big black Blazer seemed a little unresponsive. As it was a windy night I assumed the problem was that I was driving a big square box high off the ground in 30 mph crosswinds. Wrong!
After taking the exit from the highway and making a right turn I noticed a sound and sensation very much like the reverberation of frozen road crap built up in the wheel wells when hit by a moving tire on a cold morning. Like when you first back out of the driveway. Wrong again!
The first intersection I came to required a left turn at a stop sign and being a true Montreal driver I slowed down to about 10 mph, checked for opposing traffic and cranked the wheel. No such luck, the truck lurched forward with tires squealing. This signaled that a mechanical problem could very well be a possibility. After further inspection with my trusty Mag-Lite it seemed the problem was a messed up ball joint on the tie rod. Additional brave experiments proved that I could never turn left again, never ever use 4 x4 , but could do a cautious right, Ontario style so to speak. Backing up was no problem. Hence I was thrown into some kind of cruel 1980`s video puzzle game in order to get the truck home, but that`s another story.
So finally I get the Blazer home and a few days later call for a tow ( seeing as the dealerships close up for the weekend) and get the only English redneck left in the province pulling up in my driveway with his lift truck. I explain the problem but the dude says that it`s almost impossible for a ball joint or tie rod to break. I tell him to look for himself and as anticipated he crawls right underneath before I could even cut the tip on my cigar. He crawls out and tells me my diagnosis is partially correct but nothing is broken, the nut is missing on the ball joint. I tell him that`s strange as all bolts in the front end have cotter pins. "Yep" he said looking at me like I was Mom Boucher "only way deem babies come off is wit da pliers and a wrench"
Later, at the dealership and after fighting to have them pay for the car rental (seems GM`s policy is to only pay when there`s a defective part. A missing nut and cotter pin is not considered as such) I ask the Goodwrench toolboy how this could happen. He replies as expected"Someone has to take it off"
